Trying to make sense out of the senselessness

Like most of you, I am struggling. I am trying to find a way to cope.

I have busied myself. I have wrapped Christmas presents, addressed Christmas cards, and tried to desperately lose myself in all the trimmings and the trappings of this glorious holiday season, but I am too distracted. Distracted by grief.

Like you, I am mourning the loss of 20 children, 12 girls and eight boys, whose faces I have never seen, their lives not even a vapor, just barely a mist.

Like you, I am angry. I am confused. I have questions upon questions. Why? Why did he do this? How could he do this? How? How could anyone regardless of their mental stability purposely choose to walk into an elementary school and use 6 year-olds for target practice. How?

Detectives search for motive. Politicians point fingers at the NRA. We need stricter laws for gun control they say. Religious leaders blame the Supreme Court. If they would not have removed God from our schools than Satan could have not entered so easily. I digress to a certain degree.

I believe God was there at Sandy Hook Elementary on the morning of December the 14th. He was present in the principal who lost her life trying to disarm the gunman. He was present in the front office of the school when someone tripped the PA system to alert the rest of the school. He was present in the custodial workers who managed to heed warnings to teachers locked in their classrooms. God was present in the teacher who sacrificed her own life to save the lives of her precious little students. He was there, but the only place I am certain God was not, was the only place he needed to be so desperately, in the heart of the gunman. It would have made all the difference in the world.

So, where do we go from here? How do the loved ones of these victims pick up the pieces and carry on? How do we prevent this from happening, again? How?

Of course, we are all divided on everything from where to begin, to whether or not we should discuss Friday’s events with our children. I have a five year-old who attends public school, and I have not, for one reason primarily, a question I know she will ask. It’s the same question I have.

“Could this happen at my daughter’s school?” Could it?

I know the answer, and so do you. Yes. Yes, it could happen anywhere and at anytime. We have all become moving targets at the mall, at the movies, in our homes, even at our worship halls on our knees. There are no “safe” places anymore.

So, what do we do? We are all different. We all cope differently, but for me I am going to do the two things I have always done. I am going to pray, and keep praying, for the loved ones of the victims, the survivors, the entire Sandy Hook community. I am going to pray, fervently and whole heartedly, for this type of tragedy to never happen again, ever. Then, I am going to Love, and keep loving, my family and children without abandon, because none of us knows what tomorrow may hold or today may bring.